Military Jokes and Humor - Funny Boot Camp Stories

Military Jokes and Humor - Funny Boot Camp Stories Military Jokes and Humor - Funny Boot Camp Stories One thing a veteran will share with other veterans is funny events that occur during boot camp, basic training, or other intensive training sections of their career. Being able to laugh at yourself and others is a key to success while enduring stressful training programs. The Drill Instructors give you plenty of opportunities to make mistakes and laugh at yourself. The following submissions are actual events; funny drill-instructor incidents, submitted by our readers: Getting Recycled Im going to recycle you so far youll be at your first DEP meeting by the time I get through with you! Submitted by AirmanSoto Screwing with the Dorm Guard I was doing dorm guard at the time...and the TI was obviously bored TI - DORM GUARD! Me - Sir trainee so and so reports as ordered! TI - What the hell do you want? Me - Sir you called me. TI - Are you on acid? Me - No Sir. TI - Get out of my face! - 2 seconds elapse - TI - DORM GUARD! ... let me out.. Submitted by ScopeDope001 Happiness Army BCT...I was walking out the door to a formation and I was all upbeat about passing my PT earlier this morning. I was smiling and bouncy as anything...I was walking out the door when the DI said PVT[me], get over here! I grabbed a buddy and went over to him. He looked at me and said, Pvt, no matter how you happy you get, youll still be ugly. I looked at him for half a second, looked at my buddy and we (me and buddy) burst out laughing. Another drill sergeant comes over and looks at us. He then asked me: Are you on crack? All four of us just about died laughing. Submitted by jadephoenix84 Liar! I screwed up big, Liar! (My nickname my T.I. gave me), youre the reason why I cant go to #$%! Walmart and buy spray paint. They lock that sh*t up cause of huffers like you! Submitted by SIRPHREA1 Piss Test Youd better drink some #*$ water, I dont want your piss looking like gold dust. After a recruit got a little too casual: Okay Simmons, do you wanna sit on the front porch swing, hold hands and drink lemonade with me? Submitted by COORDINATEDP Tap Water PVT: Excuse me, Drill Sergeant? DS: What is it? PVT: Drill Sergeant, I cannot drink the tap water. DS: Why not? PVT: The impurities make me ill, Drill Sergeant. DS: Ill? PVT: Yes, Drill Sergeant. I can only drink bottled water. The Drill Sergeant paused a beat, unbelieving. Then he gestured at a nearby private. DS: Private XXX, go and help Private Tapwater fill up his canteen, and make sure that he drinks it. Theres nothing wrong with that water! For the rest of the Basic Training, he was known as Private Tapwater. The other screwups like me were so glad to have him there, it saved us a lot of personal attention from the Drill Sergeants. Thank you again, Pvt. Tapwater! Submitted by Kozure Recycle Im gonna recycle you so far back its gonna take Michael J. Fox and a souped-up DeLorean to get you back!!! Submitted by kappasig1304 Every time my T.I. would recycle someone theyd tell them to pack your trash and start playing Another One Bites The Dust by Queen loud so everyone could hear it (worst part was he would sing to it and laugh). Submitted by SIRPHREA1 Excuse Tree TI: Trainee Reimer, what is this? Me: Sir, Trainee Reimer reports as ordered. Its a  sock,  sir. TI: I know its a sock, dumbass, look at how its folded. Whats your excuse for this? Me: I had someone help me, because I was working chapel guide, I just got back 20 minutes ago. TI: Well trainee, youre just one big #!%!  excuse tree, arent you? Got an excuse for everything, you like being an excuse tree? Well make you one. He starts throwing clothes over me, making a tree out of all the clothes in my clothing drawer, which I am holding in my arms, standing at attention. He finishes all the other inspections and tells me to put my clothes away, commending me for keeping my military bearing. I must have stood there, not moving for about 25 minutes, covered in clothes. Submitted by Chuck Reimer Radar Scopes My brother (Air Force, 60s) says a guy at chow was apparently looking around in line and was pulled out and made to stand at attention with his head swiveling back and forth, saying I am a radar scope, I am a radar scope....? My brother was at the head of his group going in, rounded the corner, and saw this guy doing his thing. Bro never could keep a straight face and busted out laughing, so... by the time it was all over there was a whole line of them saying I am a radar scope... Submitted by AECFNavyMom No Cussing Lima company you just #$%^! UP! *Ahem* Belay my last! Lima company, you just jerked up! Submitted by Mike